HOPEFUL MOROSE

 Hopeful Morose

by

Rossyam Hadi

☀ Hopeful Morose ☾

Catching Fire

Perfect Shapes

Light

Almost Home

Wild

Kissing Strangers

Music In Me

Better

Best Lover

Sunshine

Wish You Well

Permanent Passenger

Happy Now

☀ Credits ☾ 

Thank you for taking your precious time to read this little collection of mine that was taken straight from the pages of my life from the past two years. Thank you to Mira Hani for editing all the poems. I wrote this collection to help me deal with my heartbreak, depression and find and regain my confidence that's been shattered. Hopeful Morose is about embracing both the dark and light in life - it's okay to feel sad, broken, unwanted but knowing it is temporary as after the night there's morning. I hope this collection can give you hope in love, life or whichever difficulties that you're facing.

love, syam.

☀☾

(1) CATCHING FIRE ☀

Too hard for us to take,

you make it easier

by throwing me

away with the ashes.

The sparks that ignited within us,

only to know it will

jade one day

when you can't

love me the same.

I will catch the fire

and put out the flame,

where the heat

will never touch you again.

I let you keep

the last match,

so you can use it

to burn a new light.

(2) PERFECT SHAPES ☾

I've always mistaken

the sun as

the brightest light,

that only leads me

to burn myself down.

I'm still searching

for the shooting stars

to brighten the sky,

I don't want to

spend the night

in total darkness.

I discover a lot of incomplete shapes,

trying to reshape,

squeezing to fit

into each other,

but at the end

we only

break ourselves apart.

Will I ever find

the right size

that will fill

my empty parts?

(3) LIGHT ☀

Can't close my eyes at night

without those antidote

to help me get to

the land of Nod.

I found you

when I was defeated

with nothing left behind,

only you can see me

through the inkiness.

I can perceive the truthfulness

in the hurdle

that I faced,

an unexpected turnover

that I needed.

Illuminate me

with your glaring gleam

that gives me shadow,

just like the moon,

you are always up there

watching me.

I am the city,

you are the light

that never fails

to make me glow

in the dark

every night.

(4) ALMOST HOME ☾

Maybe the road

was too twisted

or could it be the ride

that is too bumpy

for us

to hold on to?

We made promises

that are meant

to be broken,

we made love

that was not

passionate enough.

I thought you

were my forever,

but you turned out

to be my hardest goodbyes,

I will miss your

morning and night wishes.

I can't find

a way to you,

you are the home

that I will never

come back to.

(5) WILD ☀

Wild and free

I will be,

put out all my doubts

that have been the wildfire

inside me for a while.

You set the forest

in me on fire,

turning my exquisite garden

into a wasteland,

I've learned to survive

without your essences

like a wildflower.

Unwrapped the shell

and allowed my pearl to glint

over the ocean of emotions

that used to

drown me deep.

I sew the wounded parts,

patch-working the imperfections,

letting the light in

and beaming shades of rainbow

out of me.

I will rise

stronger and wiser

from the ashes

like a phoenix.

(6) KISSING STRANGERS ☾

Out on my own

as I am

free from the string

that used to

keep me attached.

The night's still young

and the devil never hits the sack,

I drown in my own lechery

in someone else's arms.

Many hands had touch me,

trying to fill the desolation,

when the truth is

I miss being clasped

by you.

Waking up

on random beds

in different places

is no longer unusual.

I can kiss

all the strangers

on the street

but it won't taste

as righteous as yours.

(7) MUSIC IN ME ☀

You hit the right note

that struck a chord in me,

makes my heart beat

like a drum

on a fast tempo.

I want to play you

on the stereo

all night long,

your perfect pitch

takes me high

like we belong

in the same harmony.

You are the song

that I will always

sing along to

whenever you appear

in my playlist.

Write me a love album

with lovely lyrics

and soothing tunes

that tells 

the story of us.

You are the music in me,

the soundtrack of my life

that brings joy and sorrow,

keeps me dancing and crying

when I listen to you.

(8) BETTER ☾

I gave you all

and I can give more

for you to stay

right here with me.

What we used to have was wonderful,

just a pair of lovebirds,

sitting on a cracked branch,

ready to crash anytime soon,

which we finally did.

Our memories

will be an immortal flames

that will never extinguish

throughout the time,

it will live forever in me.

I want to be better,

I wish we can be better,

even when things couldn't get any better,

you should have loved me better.

(9) BEST LOVER ☀

I can write

a thousand love poems

to show how much

I cherish you.

I will learn

how to cook

delicious dish

to keep you

full and healthy.

We can sit on a rooftop

at late night

and have a deep conversation

about ourselves;

our dreams and futures

while looking at the starlit sky above.

You don't have

to be perfect,

I will still laugh

at your lame jokes

and sleep on

your chubby tummy.

I can be

the best lover

you ever had

if only you

love me unconditionally.

(10) SUNSHINE ☀

I draw the curtains open,

unlock the window,

let the sunlight in

and kiss my bare skin softly.

The trees are

waving welcoming at me

while the birds

greet me with their

cheerful chirping.

I can feel

the fresh breeze

dancing through my hair,

then I breathe it

deep into my lungs.

I keep myself alive,

surviving night after night

so I could waking up

to another sunrise

and look forward

for sunshine

as warm as summer

at noon.

(11) WISH YOU WELL ☾

I still keep

your love letter

and some feelings

of missing you.

When the leaves

fall to the ground

in autumn,

my tears drop too

when seeing you bloom

after the winter,

even without me.

I'll never find

other needs that

can fulfil me

like how you used to.

You can't return back

my heart,

I let you keep

a part of it.

I'll try to

sleep alone tonight

and I wish you well.

(12) PERMANENT PASSENGER ☀

We get on the ride

without any map

or compass to guide us,

we create our own ways

and start the journey.

It could be dangerous,

but I feel safe

sitting beside you

as you take the wheel

and bring us 

to somewhere new.

We will watch

every sunrise and sunset

while I rest my head

on your shoulder

and be your permanent passenger.

I want to see

the world with you,

we can go places

that we have never been,

seeing seven wonders,

exploring exotic and historical cities,

capturing priceless moments.

After the long trip,

I will always come back

to your arms,

my comfort place

and waking up

to your face,

my favourite morning view.

(13) HAPPY NOW ☀

We plant the seed,

nurture our crop

with hope and patience

in seeing it

grow and blossom beautifully.

Once in a while,

we can't see the sunbeam,

there's only shadowy sky

destroying our love,

slowly but surely.

I dreamed for a perfect life

where we can be right

in all the wrong ways,

but it all ended up

falling down into the rabbit hole.

I have lost myself

and found a happiness

in my own arms,

where I belong,

now and forever.

I am happy now

by myself,

I hope you are happier

without me.